One of the gifts of my recovery has been the joy I experience in my day to day life. What many people may not see in me is the seriousness I do place on my recovery. For me it is no joke. When push comes to shove my recovery is number one. There is no person, job, event, or situation that would come before my recovery. I fully understand at a gut level that this is life and death. It's that simple. It is only by the grace of my HP that I am not dead, in jail, or locked away in a psych ward. I pray I never lose the desire to live. I pray I never lose the respect of my disease. I pray I never forget what it was like and what happened.
It was not about me wanting to live some healthy green lifestyle that made me do the work. What made me do the work was the simple choice of change or die. This death I speak of was not just that I wanted to physically stay alive. My addiction was also killing my spirit, my joy, my love, my passions, my light. I wanted life back in my soul. Finding that light gave me hope. The light was dim but it was still there and in order to make it brighter I showed up and did the work.
It didn't matter that it was hard, because it was. It didn't matter if I felt like doing the work, it had to be done. The alternative was the dim light going out completely.
Life is fun, funny, joyous, and challenging. One day at a time my recovery comes first. It seems to be working.