Updated: Sep 4, 2020
The disease of addiction is described as cunning. I always knew the definition of the word but I never felt it's meaning until recovery opened up my eyes to self-reflection. Learning the ability to step outside of myself and my waning emotions to evaluate my part in a situation is one of the largest gifts I've ever received.
I have trouble when life sneaks up on me. I do much better when my disease slaps a sharp backhand across my face. The sting of the slap provides me with the fuel for change. However, when my disease sneaks in like a snake in the garden and seeps into my being, then I am in trouble. This is how I feel cunning powers in my life.
Recently I have been fighting structure, allowing sloth to slither into my mind. I have a schedule with regular meeting attendance, physical activity and spirituality building. It works wonderfully and I feel great for a moment in time and then something interrupts my schedule. Perhaps I have to work late or an event with friends falls through or I have to skip planned physical activity. Then I start to snowball, two weeks later I am sitting on the couch in my sweatpants watching movies all day.
The gift of self-reflection has taught me that at any point I can step outside of myself evaluate my circumstances without judgement and change to progress forward.