Before I even truly understood what this meant I was jamming away to John Lydon's (Johnny Rotten of the Sex Pistols), Anger Is An Energy. I GOT the anger part which is what drew me in. As I progressed in my recovery and began moving into a yogic world I started to relate to the energy. Everything is energy. Every feeling and experience, every part of nature is vibrating at a certain frequency. Instead of identifying emotionally, I began to identify energetically. Where do I feel it in my body? What does that energy feel like? Am I holding onto unwanted energy?
Reflecting back to 2001, ten years into my recovery, I was having a full-blown panic attack but did not know that's what was happening. My neighbor and close friend in recovery came over as my husband left his New York event to get home and support me. I told her to place her hand on my belly. She could physically feel the fear vibrating through my body starting at my core.
Moving forward to the psychology of the chakra system and this memory takes on a much deeper and more profound meaning. My understanding of this energy is deep, but understanding it alone does not move that energy out. These are core issues. Issues that have been deeply planted and firmly rooted. They will not simply go away just from understanding.
Let me use my garden as an example of the work that is required. Several years ago I planted some small decorative grasses. I thought they were going to grow as individual plants. But over the next several years they became deeply rooted and took over everything, growing into every nook and cranny, just like my fear did for the first half of my life. At the beginning of our COVID lockdown, I decided to take on the project of digging those plants up and removing them. We tried spraying them with vinegar and it did absolutely nothing. I was told digging down deep and removing them was the only way to get them out. (Think digging deep to remove excessive fear) So with the help of some of the neighborhood kids, we got those shovels down deep and pulled out what we thought was every root. We removed all the dirt attached to those roots as well. We didn't want to take any chances. Once all the plants were removed we added some fresh soil and a few new plants that wouldn't spread. As we moved into the summer months I started to notice those decorative grasses sprouted out here and there around the garden. UGH! It will be a never-ending tending to this garden as those deeply rooted (think excessive fear) plants refuse to be dismissed.
I am working on not only trusting from a intellectual standpoint but from the physical standpoint. To deeply feel trust in my body has now become my focus. rayer, meditation, yoga, movement, talking, singing, dancing, tapping, hiking, writing,a and more. Whatever it takes to continue to weed the garden. The lessons will be presented as I continue to learn and relearn what my Higher Power needs me to. Every lesson goes into my experience, strength, and hope file to be used to help others.
This week: TRUST, trust my Higher Power and LET THAT SHIT GO
I am working on not only trusting from an intellectual standpoint but from a physical standpoint. To deeply feel trust in my body has now become my focus.